Frankly Speaking

October 2014

On one of my bike rides last summer, I rode by a public park.  It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon so there were quite a few people.  I think there was a family throwing a football, some smaller kids running around, climbing on the equipment and shrieking with joy and someone just sitting on a park bench.  Amidst all of this action and noise, what really caught my eye though, was a couple strolling on the path, just holding hands.  They were an average couple, not old, not young; they did not wear bright clothing or make noise and they did not move very fast.  So why were my eyes drawn to them instead of all of the action?  I slowed down a bit and then became aware that I was looking at how this couple was holding hands.

First let me tell you about some of the ways I know how to hold hands.  

There is the Parental Safety Grip, the “I will not let you fall and skin your knee on my watch” hand hold.  Essentially your very large hand more or less encircles your child’s much smaller hand.  It really does not matter whether the child has an open hand or a fist or wants to have her hand held – you are in charge and you are holding hands.

Then there is the teenagers’ Public Notification Gesture, the “Look everybody, I got my guy (or gal)” hand hold.  The key to this version is the interlacing of all fingers.  It serves the dual purpose of ensuring that the hand hold cannot be accidentally broken (which would be extremely embarrassing at the wrong moment) and to enlarge the object put on public display.  Think of a peacock fanning his tail feathers and you get the picture.

Another popular technique is what I call the Common Hand Hold.  Extend your fingers with thumb spread away and reach out.  Put the inside of your fingers against the inside of her fingers, curl your fingers up a bit and fold your thumb over your partner’s index finger.  The curled fingers and thumb create a slight grip, making this a good utility hand hold.  This is an excellent choice while walking through the mall or across a parking lot, anytime your partner is likely to make slight, but unannounced, course changes.

All three of these can be somewhat one sided.  They can be initiated, or certainly maintained, by one partner without the willing participation of the other.  This couple however, was not using any of these.  They were using the Free Will Hand Hold.  If you relax the muscles controlling your fingers, your hand automatically assumes the needed shape.  The fingers are ever so slightly curled and the thumb is spread away just a bit.  When a couple is side by side, the person on the right offers his left hand by placing it just inside and slightly in front of the right hand of the person on the left.  Likewise, the person on the left offers her right hand by holding it just inside and slightly behind her partner’s hand.  The magic happens when the two people adjust their respective walking speeds by a mere fraction and move an inch or two apart.  The hands slip inside each other and will stay together as long as both partners want to be there.  Unlike the other holds, this hand hold does not exist unless both people participate willingly.

If one partner shrugs his shoulder, as in “Who, me?” or the other one slows down just a little, as in “Yes, you!”, the hands slip apart, the hold is broken and the aura of love fades quickly.

What caught my attention that afternoon was the love emanating from the union of this couple’s hands.  Their hands were offered freely and cemented in place not by the force of a grip but by their choice to be there.  It was a subtle gesture, not flashy, not noisy and unable to compete on a worldly level with the color, movement and noise of people enjoying a park.  And yet, it spoke so loudly to me that the only detail of this encounter I remember is how they were holding hands and how much they must love each other.

God loves us and offers us His hand every day.  He will not shrug his shoulder, change the speed of His walk or suddenly move off into another direction.  All we have to do is put our open hand next to His and with the next step our hands will slip together, enveloping us with the greatest love we will ever know.  To be sure, we will be distracted by the noise, redirected by the shiny blinking lights and tempted by the promises of worldly attractions.  However, the only way that this simple act of holding hands can be transformed into love, is if we have that choice and choose Him.  And that is the essence of Free Will.